More Luxury from LELO

Brand New Mia … & More

Have I told you just how much I’m in love with LELO? If you haven’t already read my review of the LELO Soraya that might be a place to start, or just check out my twitter timeline¹. I’m so addicted to that toy it’s making reviewing life difficult cause I only want to play with the one toy! I have one, BIG, serious crush on LELO, but have to admit I’ve been feeling some major lovin in return… and I’m not just talking about my superb Soraya Orgasms!

I’m one of the lucky few who were asked to preview the all NEW & Improved MIA. That’s right LELO have gone and re-vamped their classic, discreet vibrator, adding some extra Power – yep power with a capital P! She now also has a better fitting cap and of course like all ladies that undergo a makeover, Mia has a new color….black. ❤

Now if you’ve been out of the loop and hadn’t heard about the original Mia vibrator from LELO, its one of the most discreet vibrators out there. Not only is it small in size, but it also hides its intended function by laying around looking like a tube of lipstick… or even a USB drive. Mia is one of the very few vibrators out there that you recharge using the USB port on your computer. It is mighty handy I must say, it fits in your pocket or your purse making it perfect for an orgasm on the go & all you need to re-charge it is a computer – or anything else with a USB port.

I think the biggest difference between the old and the new is by far its power. The original Mia had several vibrations intensities and three patterns of pulsating vibrations too, all of which the new updated Mia has – just with a lot more VROOM. I would say it now has about double the original power, along with around double the levels of intensities. The vibrations also have a lower tone. A little more rumbley and bass-like than the original high pitched, buzzy surface style vibrations.

It remains perfect for those who like lighter, less intense buzz whilst giving those of us who crave for extra intensity just what we want and doing so without any added noise. Like I said – perfect discreet vibrator.

The first and only friend I got to share my somewhat secretive news about the new Mia with was sex toy reviewer Mistress Kay - her first question was “Have they changed the cap?” Well yes they have. The new cap needs to be lined up right in order to go on  as it features extra “grippers” within the actual lid which you can see in my photo (black is new, pink is old). These little additions offer far more grip than the original, unadorned cap.

No more worries of it popping off, or even gradually working its way off.The cap now stays put, nice and tightly. Yet another reason I love LELO, they listen to their customers and us sex toy reviewers and when there is a bit of a problem they improve the product. Please LELO if you are listening, hear the cries for more turquoise ❤

The original Mia was available in petal pink and deep rose, but don’t despair if you want the new and improved functions, power and cap stability but prefer the old colors to black – as all colors of LELO Mia as of February 21st will now have the supercharged power and improved cap.

Although a new and improved Mia is a pretty cool announcement there’s still more from LELO…

LELO’s New Sussurra Line

Yesterday LELO announced a new line of products with their Sussurra collection of silk lingerie and lounge wear. The name Sussurra apparently means ‘she whispers‘ in Italian, and although I’m probably pronouncing it wrong it does have that LELO air of luxury to it.

The collection features more than just bras and panties. Included are a stunning signature robe, silk kimono’s, sheik babydoll style chemises, camisoles and even their take on a french – or should that be Swedish maids outfit. And before any of the guys start to moan they also have you covered.  Sadly though we must wait for the launch in May 2011, but in the mean time you can droll over the Sussurra colection catalogue like me.

I just want to lie back, light my Flickering Touch Massage Candle, whilst Lounging in a Sussurra signature robe and play with my most precious sex toy – my Soraya. LELO really have created all the products needed in my perfect sex toy fantasy. Can’t wait for Sussurra to be released.

I Just wish they had more plus sizes and of course more Turquoise.

Violet xx

1. there was also a review of their fantastic luna beads but it would appear that my blog has eaten it [↩]

Strange Sex Facts – Female Orgasm

The Female Orgasm – an Info Graphic

The Sexual Revolution – An Infographic

Turn It Up to ELEVEN

When Ten Just Isn’t Enough

An Eden Fantasys Ambassador post

If you want your music hard, loud and powerful sometimes the maximum level of 10 on your amp just doesn’t seem enough… you need more, you want more than just 10… you want to turn it up to Eleven¹ taking it well past the max!

Same goes for sex toys, or rather in this case dildos… Cool, Hard, Rigid Metal dildos. If you want that something special in a sex toy, A super powerful, Ultimate Pleasure tool – sometimes you need to turn it up to Eleven… The NJoy Eleven.

Eleven perfect inches of curvaceous, smooth, luxurious steel just begging to tease and please your G-Spot. The perfect sex toy to make you squirt, the big rounded head pressed hard up against the G-Spot could easily have me gushing as I reach orgasm. One reviewer even called it a “Lean, Mean, Squirt(producing) Machine“.  It really is about turning your sexual pleasure right up, well passed the norm, straight past 10 and into Eleven.

But Eleven alone isn’t enough… I need a liberator throe to go with it – in purple of course. The perfect thing to cover the bed, the lounge or even the dining table with to keep them dry and clean, no matter how much you cum. Making cleaning up after gushing orgasms so much easier. Just pop it in the washing machine – so much easier than trying to dry a foot wide wet patch on the bed.

You’ve also still got a few days to enter my $50 Eden Fantasys Gift Card give away that’s open worldwide and can be used to purchase any item available from their site.

Violet xx

1. if you’ve seen Spinal Tap you know what Im talking about [↩]

Vote For ME – please

Australian Adult Industry Awards

I find it slightly hard to fathom, but none the less me – or rather my humble little sex toy review blog has been nominated for the Australian Adult Industry Awards. It’s kind of a big deal I guess, similar to the AVN awards in the US so I’m pretty happy to simply be nominated.

I’m in the ‘Best New Product’ category along with only 3 other nominees – a novelty stripper named Harry the Hobo, a male escort business (that appears to not have many actual escorts) and a massuese who’s website won’t load. So fingers crossed I’m in with an actual chance of winning this thing!

The awards are announced this Wednesday Feb 16th at a big celebratory dinner in Melbourne and whilst I can’t possibly attend I’d still really love to win. It would be the exact kind of thing I need to get more local Companies to sit up and take notice and seriously consider having more products reviewed. The perfect thing to have written on my reviewer’s resume and maybe even a business card for when I go to Sexpo later this year and maybe even the AdultEx trade show. Plus it would give me such a buzz, especially with my birthday just around the corner.

So do a girl a favour and take 10 seconds out of your busy day to click here and vote for me. As I said the awards are announced in only 4 days time – I wish I had known earlier that I was actually nominated – so don’t put it off.  And for anyone who has entered or is considering entering my Eden Fantasys $50 Gift Card giveaway I’m just about to add voting for me as a way to earn an extra entry.

I get that it’s a bit (or a LOT) pathetic to be asking for votes… but if it was you and the AVN awards wouldn’t you want to win too.

Fingers crossed X X

Violet xx

Pleasurists #116

Forbidden Fruit by Bountiful

Welcome to Pleasurists, a round-up of the adult product and sex toy reviews that came out in the last seven days. For updates and information follow our RSS Feed and Twitter.

Did you miss Pleasurists #115? Read it all here. Do you have a review for Pleasurists #117? Be sure to read the submission guidelines and then use the submission form and submit it before Sunday February 13th @ 11:59pm Pacific.

Want to win some swag? All you’ve got to do is enter.

• Mini Pre-Birthday Bash Giveaway! Deadline: February 9th @ 11:59pm Eastern.
• It’s All About Me Giveaway Deadline: February 11th.
• Wine and Dine Your Favorite Toy Deadline: February 13th @ 6pm Eastern.
• Happy Birthday Giveaway Deadline: February 13th @ 11:59pm Pacific.
• February’s Sweet Giveaway Deadline: February 13th @ 11:59pm Eastern.
• Get Your Heart On Deadline: February 14th @ 11:59pm Pacific.
• Keep the Spice of Valentine’s Day Alive! Deadline: February 15th @ 11am Central.
• $50 Gift Card Giveaway Deadline: February 20th @ Midnight.
• The iCandy Sex Toy Giveaway Deadline: February 28th @ Midnight.

Editor’s Pick

• Pirates Pleasure Ring by The Countess

Ye have two choices between scribbles – the purple Maltese cross or the black skull n’ bandana. Buy one of each and turn on the saucy maids and/’r cockswains with your Cap’n At Full Mast! She’ll never turn ye away from her binnacle ever again, matey. And he’ll let you into his Poop Deck with yer mighty multi-barreled pistol! Here’s th’ best news o’all – this scabbard guard vibrates like a schooner hit by yer cannons!!!

Note: I both love and hate this review at the same time. I adore unique reviews like this and find the pirate speak amusing and awesome, plus there’s a pirate cat picture.

Editor

Scarlet Lotus

On to the reviews…

Vibrators

• Bon Bon by Bzzingbee
• Black Magic Bullet by Venus
• Jimmyjane Form 3 by True Pleasures
• Seti Toyfriend by Red Vinyl Kitty
• Seti Toyfriend by LucyLemonade
• Death by Orgasm: Vampire by Ashes
• Daring Dolphin by Alan & Michele
• Vibrating Dilator Set by VenusToyTrap
• Flirty G by HotMoviesForHer Sex Toy Crew
• LELO Soraya by Angel
• Je Joue G-Ki by VenusToyTrap
• X-tassie Aurora by Nadia West
• Jopen Vr9 Vanity by Epiphora
• Vibratex Mystic Wand by Epiphora
• L’amour Passion G by Screaming Violet

Dildos

• Made to Pleasure Curve by Bella
• Tantus Feeldoe by Cat Q
• LELO Ella by Bella
• Tantus O2 Mark by Isabel
• Tantus Goliath by Rayne

Anal Toys

• Nexus Medium G-Play by Mistress Kay
• Onyx Wand by Tenuki Tea
• Dual Inked Glass Probe by Mistress Kay
• Tantus Zing by Beanfiddler
• Ophoria A-Chain by Angel deSanguine
• iRide by Mistress Kay
• L’Amour Probe by Nicky

Toys for Cocks

• Gear Essentials Titan by the bedroom blogger
• Shane’s World Campus Hottie by Alan & Michele
• Pirates Pleasure Ring by The Countess

Lube, Massage Oil, Bath Stuff, & etc.

• Blossom Organics Warming by Sexorcism
• Blossom Organics Moisturizing by Kate
• Nipple Nibblers by Bella
• KY Yours + Mine by Evil Poptart
• Intimate Organics Cleansing Gel by Buzzvibe
• Intimate Shaving Kit by Mistress Kay
• Edible Body Chocolate by the bedroom blogger
• Jimmyjane Afterglow by Rayne

BDSM/Fetish

• Handcrafted Leather Bit Gag by Mistress Kay
• Sex Kitten Nips by Bella
• Wartenberg Pinwheel by The Countess

Adult Books/Games

• Sweet Love by Bzzingbee
• Him & Her by Beanfiddler
• What’s Up Down There? by Mistress Kay
• Karsai Nei Tsang: Therapeutic Massage for the Sexual Organs by True Pleasures

Adult DVDs & Porn

• Roulette Toronto by Bzzingbee
• Balls Deep by Chops McGruff
• Idolize My Ass – Rachel’s Power Ass by J.D. Bauchery
• The Sex Files II – A Dark XXX Parody by The Porn Librarian
• Sinderella & Me by J.D. Bauchery
• Real Female Orgasms 13 by J.D. Bauchery
• Seven Minutes In Heaven 2: Tender Hearted by Angel deSanguine

Sex Furniture & Position Aids

• Liberator Jaz by Kitty Stryker
• Liberator Hipster by Mystress Lady Evyl
• Liberator Zeppelin Cocoon by Rayne

Miscellaneous

• Hitachi Magic Wand Controller by VenusToyTrap
• Deluxe Packing Pouch by Bella
• Sailor Soft Pack by Bella
• Risque Valentine Candy Hearts by True Pleasures
• Incoqnito Necktie by Angel deSanguine
• Je Joue Ami by Epiphora

L’Amour Passion G vibrator Review

Pure Silicone G-Spot Vibrator from Cal Exotics

The latest sex toy to arrive on my door step courtesy of the Cal Exotics Sexpert program is the L’Amour Passion “g” vibrator.
I must admit that it isn’t a toy I probably wouldn’t have chosen , My G-Spot prefers really pronounced curves made from far more rigid materials. But it is a damn good vibrator that I am yet to find true fault in.

The Important Info;

Materials: Silicone

Power: 2 x AA batteries

Size: The entire toy is just over 8″ long with a almost 7″  (17.5cm) shaft that has a 4.75″ (12cm) girth.

Colors: Baby Blue only

Vibration Levels & Patterns: 3 levels of just vibration plus 4 more patterns

Controls: One single on off switch & a second button that scrolls through the vibration settings – Features one touch switch off

Lube Compatibility: Water Based Lube recommended.

Waterproof: Yes, fully tested 100% Waterproof.

Price Range: $45-$55

Review:

It seems that California Exotics are starting to produce some rather high quality sex toys – that is if this vibrator is anything to go by. It’s made from very soft, very pliable silicone that doesn’t have any kind of funky aroma… unlike some other products of theirs that I’ve seen or rather smelled!

Whilst I am impressed with the quality of the materials as well as the toy’s functions and what seems to be pretty decent manufacturing I honestly doubt that Cal Exotics will shrug off that ‘cheapish’ feel unless they do away with their el-cheapo, super crap packaging.  Like many of their products this vibrator arrives in the almost trademark hard plastic box, the one that doesn’t hold up for very long and can’t be recycled. I honestly doubt that I would want to buy this if I saw it on a shelf in a store as the standard packaging really doesn’t do the quality of this sex toy justice.

Enough about the crappy plastic box, if it came in a really nice, luxury box it would probably cost twice as much as it is actually quite a nice little vibrator.

It has a slightly angled head intended to stimulate the G-Spot, but nowhere near as pronounced as it would need to be to get mine to wake up and take notice. It has a slightly unique internal design as the base of the toy is solid, just as one would expect as there are mechanics housed beneath the silicone, but the middle area of the shaft is soft and flexible. It feels as though this vibrator has two separate motors, one in the base and another up in the tip of the toy. This helps to really deliver the vibrations to their target.

As I mentioned above there are three constantly on vibration patterns there are a medium low, medium and medium high which are then followed by 4 more patterns of escalation and pulsation.The control panel consists of just two buttons that are slightly raised in the white plastic base. One to switch the toy on and off, the second to start the vibrations and then cycle through the seven different settings. The on/off switch can also be used at any time to quickly switch the toy off – there’s no 2 second delay with this one, which is a feature I appreciate.

It claims to be whisper quiet, but whilst it isn’t a jack-hammer it also isn’t all that quiet. It can be heard from across the room, but if you had another source of noise such as the tv on in the background no one outside of the room will be able to hear it. And again if you were to get ‘caught’ it does have that one click, easy off switch which is a big selling point for those of us with kids or flatmates.

I’m never going to be a huge fan of silicone, it picks up every stray dog hair and piece of dirt and requires far too much lube (Often it requires extra applications of lube depending on how long you play for), however the quality of this silicone is pretty high. It has some slightly raised vertical lines in the silicone, however they aren’t significant enough to really be felt during use. The very soft, extra flexible nature of this vibrators shaft I think this would make a pretty awesome first vibrator for someone simply due to the fact that you can hammer away at it, thrusting like there’s no tomorrow and it won’t go poking into your cervix and causing any unwanted damage. A bruised cervix seriously hurts!

All in all, with price and product quality taken into consideration I’m pretty damn impressed by this vibrator. I can’t give it five full stars as that’s a rating saved for the cream of the crop, but it is well and truly worthy of a good strong four. If it came with better packaging and more of a G-Spotting curve I would be a much happier masturbator.

★★★★☆

Currently this vibrator doesn’t appear to be on the market – which is often the case with these sexpert review toys, but once it is I’ll be sure to let you know where you can grab one.

Violet xx

Increase traffic to your sex blog

5 Easy Ways to Get More Visitors to your Sex Blog

There are a lot of posts and articles out there on how to bring more traffic to your blog or website, but most of them are boring, dry and not really helpful for those of us who blog about topics that fall into the ‘sex’ category of blogs. Most of the SEO and Marketing info style articles are aimed at business blogs run by companies rather than the personal style of blogs that those of us in the sex and sex toy reviewing blogsphere are creating.

After the success of my last ‘On Blogging‘ style post about how to improve the Alexa Ranking of your sex blog and the number of fellow bloggers who have improved their Alexa Ranking due to it I thought I’d try and create semi-regular posts about blogging aimed to help improve your blog that are specifically aimed at sex toy and general sex related blogs. Most of the articles and other material out there is aimed more at business b;logs and not all of the tips and information they contain are helpful for those of us running smaller, more personal blogs.

A lot of articles about how to improve your blog focus on building more incoming links to your blog, whilst this is a very important factor in regards to seo((Search Engine Optimisation)), pagerank and overall website success what I’m focussing on today is increasing your visitors.  That’s all. Just bringing more visitors to your site. Logically this can also help you to gain new subscribers, new twitter followers, and possibly new in bound links all of which work to make your blog more successful.

And again this list is aimed at other bloggers with blogs similar to mine and I’ve only included these resources and tips because I know that they have brought a lot of extra traffic to my website. Just remember though that once you get the visitors to your site you need to have something of substance to keep them on your site as well as reasons for them to return or subscribe to your website.

Wanton Wednesday

Every single time I have participated in Wanton Wednesday I’ve seen a quite huge spike in the number of visitors to my site. It is a pretty easy concept, take some sexy, wanton photos of yourself &/or partner and post them to your blog on a Wednesday. You also need to include the Wanton Wednesday Banner and visit that weeks post on the Wanton Wednesday blog so that you can share your link as well as visit others who are participating. WW is the brain child of the fabulous Dangerous Lilly, but I’m playing temporary hostess for the time being and would love to see you taking part.

Half Nekkid Thursday

Also commonly known as HNT, Half Nekkid Thursday is another visual meme quite similar to Wanton Wednesday. HNT is hosted by Views from the back row and although I haven’t participated in it myself (I know shame on me), I do know that it is both incredibly popular and a great source for extra blog traffic. If you want to know more go check out the guidelines for HNT.

Pleasurists

If you’ve read my blog for a while or you read sex toy reviews chances are you have heard of pleasurists. It is a weekly round up of all of the sex toy and adult product reviews from the previous week along with all of the currently open giveaways.

Whenever you write a review or post a giveaway on your blog head over and submit it to pleasurists. Submissions close on a Sunday night then the magnificent Scarlet Lotus St Syr puts it all together so that it looks great and is easy to read. Each issue includes a small window filled with the html code for that edition – If you are included in that edition you are required to post said edition to your own blog as well. All in all it’s a big sex toy loving link sharing good time, one that will get you extra readers and exposure for all of your reviews.

E-Lust

E lust is slightly similar to pleasurists, well in the fact that it is a round-up and if you are included in an issue you are required to re-post that issue on your blog – However it isn’t for reviews. E-Lust is for other posts about sex, sexuality, life and just lustful things in general. For a much better explanation of what E-lust is head over and read about it. Also be sure to read and understand the guidelines too.

As yet I haven’t submitted anything to E-lust, although i should have as the kinds of posts included are quite varied – I have however helped out to Judge on an edition or two and know that not only is it a great way to attract traffic but also to build links and discover exciting new blogs as well.

GRITS Reviews

Slightly similar idea to pleasurists in that they help to promote your sex toy and adult product reviews. The difference between GRITS and Pleasurists is that with GRITS you don’t have to re-post a digest or anything on your blog.

When you post a sex toy review on your site you can go and submit it to Grits and decide whether you want the full post or just a blurb of your review to appear on their site. GRITS is relatively new, but it is a project I whole heartedly support & appreciate as it has brought me some much loved traffic. One last thing – although GRITS stands for Girls Raised In The South – they don’t discriminate and you can submit your reviews no matter where you come from.

Other Ways to Get Extra Traffic To your Blog & Reviews

• Product Manufacturers – One place I’ve found I’ve gotten a lot of traffic from is sex toy manufacturer’s sites. When I have reviewed toys such as the LELO Soraya and the We Vibe2, these reviews have been picked up by the manufacturers and added to their media/press pages. Even if the toy has been sent by a sex toy retailer there’s nothing saying that you can’t let the manufacturer know that you have reviewed one of their products. They may not link to you, but it certainly doesn’t hurt to let them know about your review.

• Comment on Blog Posts – a pretty simple strategy really. If you write a blog you should be reading other similar blogs, whenever you read a post you like make a comment. Interacting with other bloggers not only helps bring traffic to your site but it also helps you to build in bound links. I know that if someone comments on one of my blog posts I’m pretty sure to go and check their blog out and if I like it I will add it to my blogroll

• Review Sponsor’s Websites – Although most of our sex toy reviews are sponsored by sex toy retailers not all of them add your review to the product page. However quite a few retail sites have an area where customers can write a brief review of a product. Use this to your advantage and write a short one paragraph blurb about the toy and include a link to your full review. This may not get picked up by google’s bots but it will get people visiting your site.

• I would never recommend trying to promote a sponsored review via any other retailer’s site, but if you are lucky enough to do reviews directly for sex toy manufacturer’s chances are they would love the added exposure of you sharing your review of their products directly with a retailers customers. But just to ensure that everyone is happy just ask your company contact first, no point pissing off a manufacturer just for the sake of some traffic!

I Hope that some of these sites and tips help you to bring more visitors to your blog. If you have any questions or suggestions for future topics you would like to learn more about in regards to blogging please do let me know by commenting or emailing me – as this series of blogging posts are for you – my fellow bloggers.

Violet xx

Unwanted

Every weekend I get told how unwanted I am. How much of a waste of space I am, how I contribute nothing worthwhile to the universe and am constantly reminded that I should probably just kill myself- or fuck off. Apparently it would make everyone’s lives so much better, at least according to X. sadly his propaganda is so heavily repeated that my son not only believes it, he too repeats it.

‘Fuck off mum!’

‘Why don’t you just leave?’

‘We don’t want you. Nobody wants you. Just go away.’

Funny thing though is that they do actually need me. If there isn’t food in the cupboard it’s me that’s responsible, it’s me that gets yelled at. If the clothes aren’t washed, the rent’s not paid – well it’s me that is responsible.

If it weren’t for me X couldn’t go to work, our son couldn’t go to school, the dog wouldn’t get fed and life would just grind to a halt. But I’m useless, pointless and a complete waste of space and air.

I get screamed at for smoking even though he sits next to me and smokes. I get yelled at if he wants to eat something we are out of. It feels like if an excuse to abuse me can be found it will be found and fully exploited.

I’ve stayed living with this guy because he did the right thing by me. I got pregnant when I was 17. Something I chose to do without his permission – I quit taking the pill but didn’t tell him. By the time I discovered I was pregnant we had separated, the idea of not telling him certainly crossed my mind, but for reasons far too long to explain I decided I had to let him know. I told him I was pregnant but that he didn’t need to hang around. If he walked away I wouldn’t follow him, I would do it all on my own and not ask anything from him. But if he chose to stay, it meant he had to stay.

It is because he chose to stay, and for the most part at least tried to do a good job that I’ve always felt to guilty to walk away.

I don’t want to live with an ex partner. I don’t want to be around someone who hates me this much – but I’ve always said that I’ve stayed because my hatred for him was nowhere close to the amount of love I have for my son. So staying here and keeping the muddled up family together has always been my top priority. But I don’t want to be here any more. I don’t want to be around him any more. And I don’t want to be constantly reminded of how hated I am.

I’m scared, I’m confused, I’m balling my eyes out and feeling both my heart and soul being torn apart – but fuck if I know what to do. I want to run, to hurt, to destroy myself in one way or another (dont worry not going to go killing myself). I just want to curl up in a ball somewhere where I am safe n sound and do all I can to forget that my life’s falling apart.

I do NOT want to be here. Anywhere but here.

I’m really regretting not leaving and following my heart when I had the chance.

The Hurricane – part 1

As Queensland braced themselves for tropical cyclone Yasi this week I had my own storm of insanity blow through my home.

I bitched and moaned on twitter and even breathed a sigh of relief when I initially thought it was over but later I realised the pause was just the eye of the storm and it continued to turn my world upside down for another day or so before blowing up north and into poor B’s lap.

Monday afternoon I got a call from this mate of mine saying he was just stopping off in town on his way down to Melbourne. Cool, excellent, hadn’t seen him for ages so headed out to meet him at the pub. But what I encountered when I met up with him really wasn’t what I had expected. Him, the huge horse like dog (It looked like Hagrid’s dog) and some head fucked space monkey of a chick who looked like she hadn’t washed her hair all year – as well as a car AND a trailer full of all kinds of crap.

I was of the understanding that he was headed to Melbourne to start filming a movie and was leaving his place, his dog and everything else at home and would fly home every few weeks or so. He was looking for someone to move into the spare room and kinda house & dog sit for him. I found this out right after discovering that B needed a place to move to, so I organised for them to meet and for him to move in and look after this mate of mines place. He was meant to leave all the furniture, white goods and the dog there for B to look after so it was a bit weird when I turned up and saw the dog.

Him and this whacked out space cadet were a bit worse for wear, drugs, alcohol or a combination of the two had them looking a bit haggard. On his hand he had this big swelling thing, it looked a bit like what you would expect a white spider bite to look after a few days :Big, red, swollen and slightly pussy. Before long I find out the truth – it’s MRSA (Methicillin-resistant Staphylococcus aureus ) a form of high infectious staph infection which he had caught from skull fucked monkey (can you tell how much I like this female??) who has had it for 3 years.

He needs to go to the hospital and get anti-biotics to treat it as does she, so we organise for them to drop the trailer at my place and put the dog into my yard so they can go to casualty and get treated. I then have to let B know so he can be careful and give the place a good clean so he doesn’t catch it himself. But just getting from point A to my house was ridiculously difficult. I drove my car, she drove theirs but failed to just follow me. I think they went around the block and the wrong way around 3 or 4 times before we finally got headed in the right direction.

Then the trailer doesn’t want to come off! So they use some spray oil etc and after half an hour of tugging and banging eventually they get it off. The huge dog goes into my backyard and the two of them head off to the hospital.

An hour or so later we realise that the dog isn’t out there – it’s escaped from my yard. Thankfully we find him just sitting beside the house next door, so we lock him back in and put the bins up against the gate to stop him forcing it open again. So he decides to jump the pretty high side fence and starts crying at the other gate as he can’t get back in. We put the dog back in the yard and sit with it til it falls asleep, sadly he didnt stay asleep long and started whimpering like a wus (kinda funny for such a big dog). We deal with the dog crying half the night whilst keeping my dog in the house to prevent them brawling. I’m starting to loose my patience as I’m getting really over-tired, but I am not a fair weather friend and will bend over backwards to help a mate. I do my best just to suck it up.

Around 11pm I get a call that they aren’t going to get seen by the doctor or have been taken off the list for not sitting in the waiting room. They tell me they will just sleep in the car out the front. I’m slightly embarrassed to make friends sleep in their car but as they have a matress in there and my dog likes to eat people it’s about all that can be done. Just hope the neighbours don’t notice.

I’m told that the plan is that in the Morning they will just get back on the road and go to see a Dr once they get to Sydney….

It’s midnight on Monday – Day #1 and the storm has barely started to show itself… stay tuned for the next instalment of this melodrama.