Time For A Road Trip

Road trippin’ with my two favorite allies
Fully loaded we got snacks and supplies
It’s time to leave this town
It’s time to steal away.

Roadtrippin – Red Hot Chilli Peppers

So it’s time to pack my bags and gear up for the road trip that I’ve spent months dreaming of and possibly even fantasising about. Off to Brisbane to see Metallica!!!!

And if Metallica aren’t enough to be excited about I’m going with -B!

Foe those who may not know -B is my former Friend With Benefits who went & got himself a girlfriend back in May and went from FWB to just -B, as in no more benefits.

I spent a weekend holed up in a hotel a few weekends ago whilst he waited for the now very EX girlfriend to move out of their place. I had an absolute ball, played lots of games and got up to lots of mischief, but it was all G rated with his offspring who were present for the first two nights. It’s very hard to share a bed with a guy whom most of your sexual fantasies revolve around and keep your hands to yourself  whilst trying to act like a lady.

The third night we were childless & back at his place, still it all stayed far too G rated. Major Bummer. See after spending such a long time – around 15 years, with the one sexual partner it’s really, really hard for me to have sexual confidence with someone else. This lack of confidence is so much so that I’m too scared to touch him, too scared to bring up the subject of sex full stop.

The whole time he was with the Ex there were many XXX Rated texts and msn conversations, even phone sex and a planned ‘one last night’ that we both kind of pulled out of due to guilty feelings. However since they split paths about a month ago it has all been very cordial and clean…and Boring! The only mention of anything sexual was during a chat shortly after I arrived back home, he mentioned that he forgot to ask me to bring him some porn, him now being single and all. To which I responded ‘You waited until I got home to decide you’re horny?’  His reply was something about us being resposible or something, it made sense at the time, but still – I just want to FUCK!! I got too see him naked for shits sake, slept right beside him…But no sex…It’s almost painful!

I haven’t brought the subject up since, I’m terribly shy and to directly bring up the subject of ‘us’ having sex scares the bejeezus out of me. I guess mainly because I’m scared of rejection, but also because I’d never want to put him in a position where he felt uncomfortable, or obligated to screw my fat ass! With X – even today all I’d have to say is ‘You want a bit?’ and if I got a yes we’d fuck. It would be terribly simple to just ask -B ‘Do you want some benefits?’ , but the same rejection/ obligation/ uncomfortable situation could occur no matter how I go about bringing up the subject.

There’s been a time or two when if maybe I’d acted differently, said something else  or did something a little different things could’ve segued into something sexual, but alas it never happened.  So I still have a little hope, but it’s very small.Part of me thinks that maybe he too is feeling shy and isn’t sure where he stands in relation to restarting a sexual relationship, but I’m pretty sure he’d know I’d be up for it after all the things that we’ve said in the past.

I know I should just grow the fuck up and act like a 30 year old rather than a 13yr old, but I can’t see me having that kind of courage. Plus his spawn will be around the entire time and even months ago we’ve never had sex whilst there was a kid under the same roof. So between my shyness & immaturity as well as his offspring being present in the house I can’t see anything sexual happening over the whole week I’ll be with him 🙁

Oh well – at least I get to see Metallica!!

Violet xx