Since I began this blog I’ve been having so much fun. I’ve been exploring parts of myself I never really knew existed and have been doing so in ways I never would’ve. Originally my intention was to show others that not all women are porn hating prudes, Soon I discovered I really didn’t need to prove that point, as there are so many hot and horny female bloggers… I felt the point I wanted to make was already being made.
Since my blogs conception I had planned to review my latest sex toy purchase, the We Vibe2 f , but never could’ve imagined anyone would send you free toys to review. My current arrangement with AdultSexToys.com came after I entered a give away they were running. Soon I will be finished with my first batch of reviews and will be running my first Give Away, Celebrating the launch of AdultSexToys.com new website,
Becoming affiliated with any company wasn’t something I had planned on, I wanted to blog merely for the love of it, but If I’m talking all about sex toys, it’s reasonable to assume someone may wish to buy sex toys I’m discussing. And as it doesn’t cost the customer anything why not become an affiliate and get a cut from the company rather than sending them customers for free? Being an affiliate allowed me to move my blog to it’s own domain where I could dress it up in any theme I wanted to and host whatever content I wanted to in whatever way I want to… Im not too cool with conforming to rules lol.
Most importantly I started this blog to express myself, discuss what was at the time my two kinda complex sexual relationships and planned on continuing to do so, along with a mixture of weird sex facts, Porn Pics and clips, and well whatever else I found to blog about related to sex. Just like Stienbeck wrote “the dreams of mice and men often go awry” and now I’ve both lost my fwb – now simply known as -B and am not really intending to speak to X let alone fuck him anytime soon – you’ll realise why shortly.
I loved that I found WTMFI Wednesdays, I love memes, and am the queen of the over share, so it really has been an easy way to share more of my sexual self without having to work out how to structure the posts myself. It’s kind of like formspring, but organised! So many questions, so many answers. Bing, Bang, Boom, an easy post to write that truly shares my sexual self with my readers.
Then I found Wanton Wednesdays, Sapio Slut’s Scavenger Hunt & Half Nekkid Thursday. Years ago I’d made sex tapes and brought the camera into my sex life, but these three sites gave me a real excuse to both push my boundaries and become more confidant within my own skin. I never realised just what a rush it would be to flash my tits at the camera whilst out in Public. It made me feel re-born. The First time there wasn’t anyone around, but the 2nd time was at a really busy truck stop right beside the petrol pump. It was such an overwhelming sensation of freedom. On my way home I was planning just how I could pull off taking photos at some of the other places on the scavenger hunt list.
I was very hesitant to post the pictures, I’ve never much liked the skin I exist within. I even went so far as to publish a self deprecating rant before posting the pictures because I am not happy with my body and am kind of ashamed of it. But the response of my readers and twitter friends was so supportive and encouraging that I felt like a whole new door was opening for me. I was really starting to accept myself.
My first Wanton Wednesday was just my leg in my favourite striped sock, I had planned a much much hotter, much more artistic shot, but X sucked as a photographer. Yet that didn’t matter, the response I got on my site and on twitter… yet again was fantastic.
I didn’t make it to half Nekkid Thursday, a huge bomb got dropped on my life. One that still could possibly cause even further damage. I was issued a fine for over $104,000.00 – Why? Very Basically because I share a roof one night a week with my ex partner and a Government Bureaucrat decided that means he should be financially responsible for me. I had always been upfront and 100% honest with Centrelink (Australian agency responsible for all kinds of Government Benefits) before I even moved in with this person….Which is X (He may seem or it may come across as though he was my husband, I’ve probably even called him my ex husband – because that’s what I’m used to calling him & I feel expresses the true relationship easily & succinctly.) Yes I do live with him, even if it’s one day a week, Yes I do sleep with him… but that’s none of their fucking business! And yes we share a child. So what’s the difference? He is not my husband, we are not in any kind of committed relationship other than that of parenting our son, and most importantly he isn’t, nor has he even been financially responsible for me. If it weren’t for 4 weeks that we lived together as a couple way back when I was 16 this issue wouldn’t exist.
I told X of the situation when he got home for the night on Saturday. He didn’t take it too lightly. Which I do understand. He has basically been told that he’s financially responsible for me, and therefore responsible for the $104k. A rather large, rather violent fight eventuated from this.
Why am I telling you about all of this?
Because my amazing Camera, the one that was helping to really pull me out of my shell got broken. I managed to save my laptop, but the camera was a casualty of the war.
As much as the experiences with the camera lifted me up, the sadness and depression of loosing it buries me. Stupid huh? Depressed over a camera. But it’s more than the camera, it’s that way of expressing myself and freeing myself that I’m grieving for.
Sorry for the rambling, rant like post, but I’m seriously bummed by this. I wish I could run away and hide with -B. Damn him for falling in Love. I need him to fuck my pain away.
I’ll overcome the loss of the camera, I’ll start re composing myself. I guess I’m also sad I no longer have someone to take my sexual frustrations out on, on top of the feeling that the sexual/ spiritual journey I was on has hit a roadblock with loosing X and the camera. Fuck my life’s pathetic at the moment,
Hopefully I’ll get back to the happy fun me I was when I began my blog and hopefully Ill sort this fine BS out. I don’t really want to keep living with X, but I don’t want to break my kids family up. Hard decisions lie ahead… Beware this ride may become bumpy… and not in a fun sexy way.
But I hope you’ll be seeing more of me soon