Please let it be safe
Not sure if all of my blog readers know this or not but I have a child (I know gasp!!). I have a 14 year old son. A lovely, kind, annoying, cranky and hormonal 14 year old son. He is an average kid, he gets average grades and acts just like one would expect from a kid his age. He looves footy, lives for WWE and cannot be seperated from his i pod or mobile phone.
He’s absolutely normal and average in everyway.
It’s currently school holidays down here in Australia so he is off on holidays having a ball on the Gold Coast. Theme parks, beaches, and of course girls.
Our home is what I’ve previously called a “masturbation friendly” household. If a bedroom door is closed you simply figure the person on the other side of the door is engaged in something private and you leave them to it. If you are sitting on our lounge there’s at least 10 sex toys within a metre or two of you and often my Soraya is charging on top of the TV. Sex is not hidden in our home. It isn’t blatantly in your face (well at least in my opinion) but it is certainly a place where sex is not a taboo subject.
I have always tried to keep my son fully aware of how the human body works, what sex is and as he grows older we have begun to have discusssions that go beyond just the mechanics of it all. Part of my open door policy on things related to sex I have always ensured that there are condoms sitting available in the bathroom along with plenty of lube sachets. Free for me, my flatmate/ex, my son or even visitors to use. If someone – no matter what their age, is going to have sex I’d prefer it to be safe sex.
Anyway when my son was packing to go away I told him to throw condoms in his shower bag. His dad (the flatemate/ex) shot me the most deadly look I think I’ve ever seen.
“Excuse me? He will not be having sex!” which was later followed by “My son will NOT be having sex at 14! He will not be having sex for a very long time”
I just wanted to scream “Are you Kidding me???” Don’t you live in the same “sex isn’t a dirty word” household as me???
Whilst I’m personally around 95% certain that my son won’t be having sex (be it intercourse, oral sex or anything in between) whilst he is away, nor any time soon there is always that slim chance. There’s also a chance that one of his mates up there might decide to have sex whilst theyre on holidays. In the case that someone may choose to have sex I’d like for condoms to be available.
According to the Kinsey institute 25% of males have had sexual intercourse by the time they are 15 – so I’m not totally insane. I was having sex when I was 14, plenty of my friends – both mal & female were having sex at that young age, one was even pregnant before she turned 15.
Teenagers have sex. They often do so without protection. Some day my teenage son is going to have sex and I just want to ensure he is one of those who do use protection.
And if in the mean time between now & when he does I couldn’t care less if he uses the condoms as water bombs. I simply want him to know that they are there whenever he, or any of his friends do decide they would like to have sex.
Sticking your head in the sand won’t do anything other than earn yourself a kick in the ass you didn’t see coming. Other parents may disagree with me entirely – that’s one of the very reasons why that bathroom cupboard is always stocked!
That’s my rant for the day – thank you for reading, if yu have any feelings regarding teenagers and sex feel free to comment away.
Violet xx
You’re doing a fantastic thing for your son. My mother always said she was open to talking about sex, but she never actually started the conversation and I never wanted to ask her about birth control or condoms. Thank god I didn’t want to have sex, either. I knew how to protect myself by the time that happened, but I would have appreciated my mother being a little more forthcoming about our sex talks.
My mum was sooooo closed on the subject of sex it isn’t funny. My sex education was via teen magazines. She in bred shame so deep within me I’m only just now getting over it all. But then again my mother isn’t the least bit nurturing and kicked me out of home at 12 without a second thought.
I just hope he doesn’t hold this much hatred towards me when he’s my age!
I have two teenage sons. 17 and 15. I really believe neither of them have ever had sex. I was having sex at 14 and had plenty of foreplay experience well before that so I have no idea how I have two teenagers who are not sexually active. I don’t have my head in the sand about this subject. We talk about sex a lot and I know who their friends are and where they are. They are both homebodies as well which makes it easier to be confident of this.
My 17 yo has a girlfriend in Las Vegas (we live in Texas) who he is going to see this summer. He is going to stay with family for a week but I know that there will be plenty of time spent with this girl. I want to load him up with condoms and have several long talks about respect and boundaries and the dangers of sex as a teenager esp with such a long distance relationship. Both my husband and my son’s dad are against me doing that.
I have a feeling it is a fight they are both going to lose. I am with you. I have no doubt that he is at least going to try having sex with this girl and he is almost a grown man. It’s very normal to me and I do not want grandbabies at 36. It seems to me that the only smart option to educate him and prepare him the best we can and hope some of it sticks in the heat of the moment.
Great post!
Thanks for your comments Jezzy!
Don’t back down from having that talk with your son, maybe your husband & his dad weren’t able to be that open with their mothers so they don’t think your son will want to have such a discussion.
You touch on a point I didn’t include in my post – the emotional side of sex. If not for any other reason, teenagers should be careful when having sex because of the emotionsl outfall that can occur. At 32 I am still not fully equipped for the emotional stress involved with a sexual relationship gone wrong!
Whilst I hope that he will wait I refuse to be so naive as to believe that he will wait until he is much older.
And considering that his ‘girlfriend’ (also long distance) is the neice of the christian minister whom I live next door to – I’m doing an awful lot of hoping!
Great post! I completely agree; I knew people who were drinking and having sex at 14. Besides, maybe your son, when he takes them, can encourage others to have safe sex since he’ll have an extra condom.
Exactly. It’s not just for him but for others kids his age who’s parent’s aren’t as realistic about kids having sex (such as my sons dad!) By the time I was 14 I was drinking til I passed out, smoking pot and having ridiculous amounts of sex – mind you I had my own place & didn’t live at home, but none the less 14 yr olds have sex!
Excellent article, Screaming Violet! Yes, we need to make sure our kids know about sex and condoms and all that goes with them. Fourteen is not to young for them to learn! Keep up the good work!
My sons always use them, well almost always!!!
yeah it’s that one time they don’t that will get them. I’ve warned my son about girls like me so hopefully he will always use them – std’s aside I don’t want to be a 30 something yr old grad mother
Yes 30+ year old grandma would age you!,,,
kinda strange to hear a mother say her child is just average when most think theirs has some special gift or feature only a mother sees. very honest post
Trust me when I say my son has many gifts and is well above average. You have totally misconstrued what I was trying to say and have made it look like I’m putting my kid down.
I was simply saying that he is a regular, normal teenage kid.
Why would you leave a comment like that?
i apologize was not my intent. just expressed my feelings to your writings did not mean to offend. Im sorry