My Mind Is Spinning
I keep holding myself back from hitting publish on posts because I don’t feel like they are written well enough, or there’s a possibility I’ve left something out. It’s causing me such anxiety I want to tear my hair out. I’ve created my own whirlpool, and I keep going round and round and round. The only thing I end up creating is more anxiety for myself.
One such post I’ve been writing for over a week is about the whole Eden Fantasys Saga – however I’m holding that back for two reasons. #1 – it is still an ongoing tale and my investigation into it aren’t complete and #2 My account’s now blocked, and they owe me a nice chunk of change in affiliate commissions & I’d like to get paid! I’m not even sure why I’m banned, but I’m guessing it has to do with being outspoken on twitter and providing ways to find deleted forum threads – but who knows. My sister also got her account blocked, and she certainly did nothing wrong, but according to stormy we are the same person lmao.
This will be the third affiliate program to fuck me over, accepting orders and payments from customers I have referred but unable to hold up their end of the bargain by paying me. It’s frustrating the living shit out of me. It’s also another post that I’m working on, and need to complete. It also means that I now need to remove the links from all my posts to these sites, and hopefully replace them with links to more trust worthy sex toy stores – but that’s a LOT of work, and I feel like if I need to go through every single blog post and make edits I should get a new theme in place first.
I need to overhaul this site. It needs a theme and layout that works for this blog, it needs its own custom theme. I’m working on it, but feel guilty that I’m not spending time completing some long overdue reviews. But I feel like I don’t want to go editing old posts and adding new ones until I’ve got the place organised far better than it is now. Screaming-Violet.com is a screaming mess – just like its owner!!
So I have multiple voices in my head, all shouting different things:
- Finish that EF post and show people the BS that’s been going on and advise companies how to learn from EF’s mistakes
- Get that Review for SheVibe, the pure wand, uberlube, stronic Eins, Tantus etc finished.
- Fix your old affiliate links and find new places to link the posts to
- Create a new theme for your blog
- Design a new structure for review categories
- Write about this idea and that idea
- Promote your blog – but you better make it look better first
- Answer emails from retailers asking for advice regarding brands to stock
- better review those products to show the retailers how great they are
- work on building your adult social media and SEO consulting services
- Re-connect to the friends you miss from the sex toy community
- Create a database to keep track of all your toys, reviews, affiliate programs, advertisers and review sponsors etc
- etc etc etc
I wish I could switch it off.
If anyone has any advice I’d love to hear it. I’m whipping myself into a ridiculous frenzy, and I’m getting nothing done, all I’m doing is crying. I’m hormonal and unwell, depressed and at the end of my rope – it’s not a pretty picture…